Against All Odds

Today we came across a lone Cyprus tree.  It was the first I had seen along our journey.  It was not the most magnificent Cyprus that I have ever seen, nor was it the runt of the litter but it stood out among all the other trees.  What made this tree stand out on its own was the fact that it was right in the middle of the river.  As I approached the tree I stopped paddling so I could take out my camera and snap a few pictures.  As I drifted by the tree I turned my boat around so I could capture it from the opposing direction and the beauty of the whole bend of the river opened up to me.  It was one of the most beautiful places we had seen over the past three days.  As much as I wanted to stay and soak in the energy that this place was projecting, I knew we had many more miles to cover and time would not allow me the pleasure of an extended stay.

As I continued along my way I could not get the thought of that lone tree out of my mind.  I started to notice other Cyprus along the banks.  There were some beautiful specimens of the species with branches of green arching over the water giving relief from the sun to a weary paddler.  None drew my attention more though than the lone tree standing in the middle of the river.  As I continued on I noticed other Cyprus trees that were dying.  Their branches no longer green and their trunks dry and decaying they stood silent along the banks of the river.  They gave no shade, they no longer expelled life giving oxygen.  The roots of the once mighty trees were the only thing keeping them from being claimed by the flowing waters of the river.  They too would one day lose their strength and nothing would remain.

 My thoughts once again went back to that lone tree steadfast in the middle of the river.  I began wonder why it was still there.  How could a tree begin to grow from seed or seedling in the middle of a flowing river?  It had probably seen floods, droughts, fires and storms in the 100 or more years its roots had been firmly planted in this earth.  Yet how did it survive against all the odds with all that flow of the river going against it?

I then began to think how those trees are so similar to people who are diagnosed with cancer.  There are many that battle and struggle to stay alive but never make it.  There are those who have everything going for them and so much around them to help them in their battle, yet they too succumb to their diseases.  But then there are those few, the lucky ones, who against all odds through hell and high water survive.  They survive because they have a strong will to live.  They survive because God shows his mercy upon them and grants them another day.  They survive against all odds to stand as a living testament to the power of faith and hope. 

As we travel on this journey with new friends we have spent time both on and off the water talking about different things in our lives.  We have shared stories and memories of friends, family and loved ones.  We have begun to bond as a team.  Each and every one of us no matter what our initial desires or motivations for making this journey, have now become one in our mission and have dedicated ourselves to making this journey to remember all those who are battling or have battled cancer.

One of the things we do each night is have a candle light ceremony where we light a few candles in remembrance of those who have battled cancer and are no longer with us, and those who have battled and are still battling today.  Monday night was very emotional for us.  After we read the names, we each went around and spoke about those who we are padding to remember.  Everyone had a story.  Everyone told of someone they loved who were no longer with us.  Some spoke very freely.  Some were hesitant.  Some struggled to get out the words.  We all cried.  But most of all we remembered. 

The Battle Continues

We were a little anxious and nervous as we got in the car and headed off to Raleigh very early in the morning.  Somewhere along the way Kim made the comment that she never though it would come down to actually having to do this.  I had all kinds of thoughts racing through my head.  I had been on journeys like this twice before, but never in a million years did I ever think I would be making it with the love of my life.

We pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car.  We were joined by our children, my parents, some friends and a whole lot of other people that had come for the same or similar reasons.  With hugs, kisses and well wishes the time had finally come.  I helped Kim to prepare as best that I could then let go her hand and sent her on her way.  I turned my back for only a moment and caught glimpse of her as she slowly went out of sight.  It was now up to her how this day played out.  I could only hope that if she got into trouble the hands around her would keep her safe.

I didn’t see her for most of the day.  My thoughts were always with her and I could only hope she was safe.  I glanced around every turn to see if I could get a glimpse but minutes turned to hours and I found myself getting more anxious with each passing moment.  Finally I caught glimpse of her and knew it wouldn’t be long before I would again be at her side.  When I finally caught up with her she was a little worn but holding her own.  I knew we had made it through a very hard day but it was just the beginning of a very long journey.

Today she is a three year survivor!  I love her more than I can ever express and I thank God every day for giving me the strength to help her through this battle.

Today we began another journey, though hard in its nature can never be as difficult as the one we started three years ago.  No one can ever truly know what it is like unless they have gone through it themselves or been a caregiver for someone who has. 

The journey today began much like our journey three years ago, although not nearly as much was at stake if we faltered in our mission.  We had a few bumps along the way but everyone is doing great.  We couldn’t have asked for better weather and we can only pray that it holds out for the next eight days.   We got off to a little late start, but quickly gained some ground and by the end of the day we actually finished two hours earlier than what we had scheduled.  Family and friends were at the landing to give us a hand and fill our bellies with something hot to eat.  Once everyone had left and dusk turned to night, we stood around in a circle, said a little prayer, lit some candles and one by one each of us read some of the names of those we were paddling to honor. 

One by one we disappeared into our tents and all is quiet on the eastern front.   There are more battles to be fought tomorrow.  Spirits are high and we eagerly accept the challenge that another day will bring.

A Long and Arduous Journey

Over a year ago, while returning from kayaking in Florida, Kim, Laura and I were riding back home in the middle of the night and somewhere between Georgia and South Carolina the silence was broken as Kim blurted out that she wanted to raise some money for the American Cancer Society and the way she wanted us to do it was to paddle a long ways.  Laura and I stayed silent.  You see, every trip that Kim had ever made to this point was a short one.  To her, anything over five miles was absolutely grueling and if you were out on the water more than three or four hours, it was an eternity.  So Laura and I kept silent. 

About a month later we again found ourselves headed home in the middle of the night from some destination now unremembered and again Kim broke the silence with the same previous comment, only this time she ended the statement with “I am serious”.  Now any husband can tell you that when your wife says something off the wall once you can sometimes ignore it, but if she says it twice, and ends the statement with those three words, then you better buckle your seat belt and start packing for the trip. 

Laura and I were up to the challenge.  I had made several long distance trips before and Laura had all but been begging for something more than five miles and at least longer than the average work day.  But this one would top anything I had done before and blow a forty hour work week right out of the water.  Kim told us she wanted to paddle over 200 miles and she wanted to get other people to join our team.  So a spark was ignited and three flames began to burn but we were a long ways from the wildfire that Kim had envisioned.  What we needed was more people that didn’t think our idea was crazy and were willing to leave their cares behind for a week and join us.   

The search began and after a many months the call was answered by one then two.  Not long after came three and four and before you knew it there were many more.  Almost a year from the date when the plan was first hatched, somewhat of a plan was in place and we prepared to assemble our group for the first time to meet and discuss our vision.  In the introduction to the plan that I gave to our team, I wrote the following words; 

You are about to embark on a very arduous journey. A journey that will test the limits of your physical and mental abilities. You will face uncertainty, and you may even question your faith. Each day will present obstacles that you never imagined you would encounter and you will sometimes struggle to overcome them. You will end the day completely exhausted and labor to your feet to meet the challenge of another. 

As you agonize to make it through each day, you will sometimes have to battle alone, but never too far away will be others who are making their own journey suffering the same kinds of pain. You may feel like giving up, but that is when you dig in deep and make a stand. You will reach out to family, friends and complete strangers, for support and words of encouragement. They will be your comfort when you think you have no other.

In the end how hard you fight may not determine if you survive and complete this journey, some things are just out of our hands and must be left to the mercy of a higher power. With all the advances in modern medicine, sometimes the only medicine that works is hope. 

Teammates, this is the peril of each person that is diagnosed with cancer. The trials and tribulations we will encounter on the trip we are about to undertake pale in comparison. As we take this journey together, let us never lose sight of why we are making it. We are paddling to celebrate the lives of those who have battled cancer. We are paddling to remember loved ones lost. We are paddling to fight back against the disease. We are paddling to give HOPE!

After reading that, they were all hooked and this morning we are putting paddles to the water and taking our first strokes on what will be a journey of remembrance.  I hope that you will follow along with us over the next nine days and show your support for what we are doing by sending us words of encouragement, keeping us in your prayers and making a donation to our cause. 

On a Wing and a Prayer

I have a knack for planning things.  Part of it goes back to that lesson in details that I learned working with my Dad on a hot summer day.  When my son was in Boy Scouts the Scoutmaster, who is now a very good friend and kayaking buddy, saw early on that I was good at planning things.  He asked me to take on the task of Committee Chair and help keep the Troop as a whole moving in the right direction.  One of the biggest jobs I had was planning trips for the Troop.  I never had anyone question my plan.  Everyone knew that when the day to leave came, every single detail would be carefully documented and no one would have to worry about scrambling around at the last minute trying to get things together.  Everyone knew that the trip we were about to make would be a great one and because of all the planning ahead of time we would BE PREPARED for the unexpected should it come.

Everyone knew, except for me.  I may have looked calm, cool and collected on the outside, but on the inside I was at the controls of a plane flying through a thunderstorm at night with fuel leaking from a hole in the wing and lightning flashing all around.  I always planned, planned, planned and did some more planning for every trip, activity or event we did.  Everything looked good on paper and the other leaders in the Troop were in awe of the detailed plans that I put together, but I always worried.  I worried that I had forgotten something.  I worried that something unexpected would happen and I wouldn’t have a contingency.  I worried that a three hour tour would turn into us being marooned on a deserted island.  It took me a while to realize that all that panic and worry is the reason we had some great adventures where everyone had a wonderful time.   

We never had anyone get injured beyond a few scratches, bumps and bruises.  That could always be attributed to the fact that when I start building a plan, it always begins with safety.  Safety is an important key to a good plan and if you begin with that as your first detail, the rest of the plan will fall perfectly in place.  Now don’t get me wrong, some people go overboard with safety.  I know some people that get so obsessed with being safe that they take all the fun out of trips.  You can’t have an adventure without some risk.  It is hard to paddle a kayak or carry a backpack if you are all covered in bubble wrap and can only go to places where the ambulance can pull right up to you in an emergency, but those people are a story in themselves best left for another day.   

One of my favorite jobs of being the Committee Chair in the Troop was sitting on Eagle Scout boards.  We always had prepared questions to ask the Eagle Candidates and there were two questions that I always asked every candidate;  What was the hardest thing you did while in Scouts? and What was the most fun you had while in Scouts?  More often than not the answer to both of those questions was the same.  I have heard boys recount how hard it was to hike uphill all day long lugging a 25 pound backpack, but then they would finish the story by telling how much they enjoyed sitting on a ledge at 3000 feet looking out over the valley as far as the eye could see.  I had one boy say he thought he was going to freeze to death the night we camped in Uwharrie with the temperatures in the low 20’s, but then he recalled remembering waking to a blanket of pure white and having to hike back through virgin snow.  He said it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he never looked at snow the same way again. 

Listening to those young men tell how the trips that I had planned were the hardest and best times they had ever had made all my planning and worrying worthwhile.  Things always seemed to fall into place.  I won’t say we never had any glitches, but because I had such a good plan, we always had a contingency.  More often than not we ended up making trips on Plan B.  No one ever knew the difference unless I told them.   

Tonight I sit here at 10pm behind the controls of yet another plane flying through the dark and I see lightning in the distance.  Seven hours from now I am off on another amazing adventure with 20 other people depending on a plan that I have been working on for the better part of the last year.  I have packed, unpacked, repacked, unpacked and repacked again.  I have checked every detail over a hundred times.  It looks great on paper, everyone is in awe and I have a Plan B, and C and D, but that lightning looks bad and I am franticly looking out at the wings for signs of dripping fuel.  I won’t feel comfortable until I can see the lights at the runway nine days from now.  When the wheels finally lock down and we are feet dry again, I can let out a huge sigh of relief and start planning for the next flight on a wing and a prayer.

What are the Odds?

There was a lot of excitement this past week over the Mega Millions lottery drawing with a payout of over half a billion dollars. There were people throwing out a dollar or two that have never bought tickets before. I even read a story this morning about someone that bought 2600 tickets just so they could increase their odds of winning. With the odds of winning at over 175 million to 1 it is truly a long shot if you do win. Personally I don’t think it matters if you buy one ticket or a million the only way you are going to win is if it is your turn to win and fate points its finger at you. I am not a regular player, but I bought a couple of tickets just in case it was my turn to win. Obviously the odds were not in my favor since I didn’t win. When it comes to the chance of winning millions people do not really pay attention to the odds. They get caught up in the excitement and the chance of being financially set for life and ignore their odds of winning. People don’t mind playing the odds when there is a big payout.

We are all players in the game of life and it is truly a game of numbers. We all play the odds every day. When most of us think of playing a game and being against the odds though we all like to look at the brighter things in life, like winning the lottery. But there is a numbers game that each and every one of us plays throughout our life where our chances are greater than 175 million to 1 and you play without ever buying the first ticket. If you are a male did you know that of all the different types of cancer that people could possibly have, your odds of developing one type is 1 in 2. Your odds of dying from cancer are 1 in 4. If you are a female your odds are a little greater with your chances of developing cancer at 1 in 3 and chances of dying from it at 1 in 5. 

So let’s break it down using just the male numbers for the sake of simplicity and give you a good visual perspective of what those odds look like. Let’s say you live in on a street with three other families. Each family has four people living in their house, so you have 16 people total living on your street. Of those 16 the odds are that 2 people in every household will develop some kind of cancer in their lifetime. Of those 8 on your street that develop cancer the odds are that 2 will die from their disease. Now there are a lot of factors that change those odds. For simplicity we base the odds on all types of cancer and we would have to assume that everyone had the same type of cancer. The odds change with every different type of cancer that people can get, but even so look at the chances you have of developing cancer of any kind.  

When it comes to cancer, no one wants to buy a ticket to play. We would much rather shell out a few dollars playing the long odds at winning the lottery. But if we look at the odds, you are more likely to get cancer than to win half a billion dollars in a lottery. So why don’t we spend our money to decrease the odds of developing something we don’t want rather than throwing it away on something we do want, but have very little chance of getting. The cure for cancer is not going to miraculously appear out of the blue. The only way to find the cure is through research and research costs money. In 2010 an estimated 5.8 billion dollars was spent on cancer research in the U.S. By comparison in that same year North Carolinians spent 1.45 billion on lottery tickets. If that number is average for all 43 states that have lotteries then Americans spent somewhere around 62 billion dollars on chances at becoming millionaires. So think of what 62 billion dollars spent on cancer research could do. That is 10 years’ worth of funding! 

So pull a dollar out of your pocket and take a long look at it and decide which game of odds you really want to play it on, a 1 in 175 million chance of becoming a millionaire, or a chance at increasing the odds of not developing cancer in your lifetime. Just remember, millionaires can get cancer too. What good would all that money be if you have a 1 in 2 chance of developing a disease that you have a 1 in 4 chance of dying from.

Crud in the Coffee Pot

Everyone needs a little adventure in their lives.  I am not talking about the adventure of not being able to stop off at Starbucks and having to get your java from the office coffee pot, or heading down the nearest freeway off ramp onto a road you have never explored to escape the standstill traffic caused by rubberneckers watching someone change a tire.  I mean real adventure where you get out of your daily rut and leave your personally imposed safe zone and do something exciting and unusual that involves a little risk that you don’t know what the outcome will be going into it.   A lot of times going on an adventure means packing up and heading out on a big trip but sometimes you can find adventure as close as your own back yard.  Adventure waits just outside your door, you just have to let go your inhibitions, be willing to take a little risk and try something different.

  I have definitely had my share of adventure in my own backyard on the Cape Fear because there were times when risks were taken and outcomes were unknown.  I can hear in my mind to moon the current a thousand times over and over and still sometimes lean up river and flip over in a broach.  Local outfitters won’t rent their equipment to anyone on the river if the water level is above what they consider “safe” at 3 feet on the gauge, but I have paddled my familiar 10 mile run in less than an hour when the water was running at 5 feet.  I went once at 10 feet in my 16’ sea kayak, dropped over what looked like a perfectly innocent wave only to see nothing but sky and then water as the hole on the other side pulled  me backwards and sucked the whole boat down.  In a panic I popped the skirt a little too early swallowed a whole lot of water and was just lucky that it spit me, the boat and my paddle all out at about the same time in the same place.  I don’t mind saying that it scared the bejezus out of me.  Anyone who tells you that they have never been scared on the water is a liar. 

 Ladybug has had her share of broaching, wet exits and getting hung up in strainers, all things that make a memorable adventure on the river.  Her idea of fun does not involve rocks as they tend to attract her like magnets.  She has had so many bad experiences with rocks in the water that it sometimes affects her ability to successfully navigate around any kind of obstacle that has a degree to difficulty to it.  I think she sees what she needs to do to get around it but she panics in the moments leading up to it and in doing so misses that small window where she can successfully maneuver around.  Fear is a good thing sometimes because it can keep you out of trouble but in other situations that same fear can lead to inactions that only further push you into peril.  Rocks may be her mortal enemy and chop and waves are definitely on her least favorite list, but I have seen her make open water crossings in waves that have kept grown men standing on the bank yearning for calmer waters.  She will tell you really quickly that it scared her to death, but it hasn’t stopped her from going back out in unfamiliar waters in less than perfect weather.  I have seen that excited look of accomplishment on her face far more often than she will admit after particularly difficult or hairy paddling excursions.  It is one of the things that keeps her going back for more.

Adventures don’t always have to carry you to within an inch of your life.  Some of the biggest adventures Ladybug and I have had paddling together were on the calmest of days with nary a rock nor wave in sight.  We have paddled among the wild horses at Shackleford Banks and the Feral horses at the Rachael Carson Reserve.   We paddled out into a lagoon with hundreds of other paddlers and baked in the sun all day long to watch some people lift off on their own adventure into outer space.  We paddled across a lake with 900 feet of water below our hulls to a long forgotten town accessible only on foot or by boat.   We paddle into a pod of dolphins that excited us so much we completely forgot to pull out the camera.  Pictures are not always worth a thousand words, it is sometimes best to leave the camera lens covered and just watch things unfold with your own two eyes.   We took over 200 pictures between three of us as we sat on Lake Drummond and watch a sunset.  None of the pictures we brought back can ever really convey to anyone what we actually saw or the emotions unleashed as Laura, Kim and I sat alone on the lake in our kayaks unable to distinguish where the Earth ended and heaven began. 

Adventures don’t always have to involve sitting in a cockpit with a paddle in hand, I have had many adventures in my life far removed from the water.   As we have prepared for what again will be an adventure of a lifetime, it seems though that water has been a big part of our life for the better part of the last year and a half.  Some of the places we have been and things we have seen we will never visit again or be able to see again.  They are unforgettable memories made on other adventures of our lifetime that we can never truly convey to those who have never experienced anything of the like. 

Get off your tush, and start living life.  There is way more to it than a 9 to 5, bills in the mailbox and cars jammed on a freeway.  You only have one life to live and when it is your time to depart this world I would really feel sorry for you if your last thought was “What an adventure I had seeing that guy changing the tire on my way to drink crud from the office coffee pot.” 

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We Can Remember and Celebrate

Cancer is not something that we like to talk about.  Unless it is happening to them or someone close to them, most people would rather put the subject in the back of their mind.  Cancer is not a subject though that our family can ignore.  Far too many of our kin have been touched by and affected by cancer.   Some of us have lost parents or grandparents, some have lost aunts, uncles and cousins and some have lost best friends.   Some have even lost children.

My grandmothers were both strong women, full of life that worked hard every day taking care of themselves and their families.   They were well known in the community and gave as much of themselves to friends and neighbors as they did to their own family.  They knew no strangers and they offered and gave freely to anyone without asking anything in return.  To a young child growing up they seemed invincible.  But no one is immune or invincible when it comes to cancer. 

I still remember my mom telling me her mother had cancer.  I can’t tell you the day or even the year anymore but I know exactly where I was and what I was doing when she called out to me and my brother from the back door of our house and sat us down out on the deck outside and told us that Mama Gladys was sick.  I don’t remember the exact words or even If she said she had cancer, but we knew from what she was saying that it wasn’t good.  She fought long and hard but in the end there was nothing anyone could do.  My parents moved in with her and lived back and forth between our house and hers just before the end.  Luckily my brother and I were old enough and responsible enough to spend some time at home by ourselves.  It was our way of helping out and the least we could do as we helplessly watched my grandmother wither away and finally succumb to the disease. 

I don’t remember when or where I was when my parents told me that my dad’s mom had cancer.  I was much older but still living at home when my Grandma fought the beast.  Working with my dad at the time, we went by her house at least once a day and sometimes more often as things got closer to the end.  When it got to the point that she needed to stay in a hospital bed we set it up in the back family room so there would be more space for her caregivers to get around her to work and so more family and friends could sit and fellowship as we comforted her and each other.  I was sitting in a chair just at the foot of her bed as she took her last breath.  Her battle over she left the frail shell of what she had become and journeyed home where she could finally rest.

You can never really know what it is like to go through cancer unless you have the disease or you are a caregiver of someone who does.  Being there day after day and seeing how even the smallest of things we take for granted like changing clothes, going to the bathroom, feeding yourself or even taking a sip of water becomes a struggle or is impossible without help.  You can’t fully understand the feelings or emotions that go along with the battle, unless you are locked into a fight to the death or holding a loved one’s hand as they swing their sword against the disease.   I can see why some people don’t even want to think about the subject and keep it behind closed doors in the dark closet of their minds.  If you don’t pay attention and stuff too much in a closet though, sooner or later it is bound to tumble out on your head when you open the door.

In April of 2009 as I walked past that overstuffed dark closet, the door sprung open and I was knocked to the floor when my wife and best friend of 25 years was diagnosed with cancer.  I was flooded with memories held deep in the dark recesses of my mind of the battles my grandmothers had fought years ago.  Fear and anxiety take over and begin to steer you down a road of uncertainty.  You grip the wheel with all the strength you can muster as you try to keep from careening off the cliff.  Finding out someone so close to you has cancer is something I don’t wish upon anyone.  We were so lucky that through early detection, new techniques in cancer treatment that come from years of research, and the grace of God that Kim never had to go through what my grandmothers did, and will soon be celebrating her third year as a survivor.   As a survivor though you have to be ever vigilant not to let down your guard lest the beast will sneak up and attack when you least expect it.  Until there is finally a cure then no one is safe and we must all stand watch poised ready to fight back.

Kim’s victory over cancer is not the only successful battle that our family has to celebrate, there are many others in the ranks of our close and extended family and friends that have gone through their own battles and are still here to celebrate another year in their life.  But just as we celebrate victories, we again have to mourn loved ones lost until that day when cancer is but a memory and we can finally put down our swords.

We can’t bring loved ones lost to cancer back, but we can remember and celebrate their lives and the lives of everyone that is going through or has gone through the disease by doing what we can to bring awareness and help others to never have to go through what they went through.  In just three short weeks Kim and I along with 17 new found friends will begin a journey of remembrance and celebration as we do our part to fight back against cancer.   Follow along with us as we make this journey and help us to celebrate the lives of those who have battled cancer.

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